Yahoo’s Fake News Stories Are Getting Really Weird

If you go to Yahoo’s homepage, there is a list of news stories. Being a bastion of journalistic integrity, Yahoo also sneaks in fake news stories that are actually paid advertisements. These do say “sponsored,” and they are cheesy enough where it’s simple to avoid them (“see the $10 sunglasses that will utterly revolutionize dog racing”). However, I’ve been noticing that the algorithm, or copy writers, or whoever/whatever is creating these abominations, has been really bizarre, lately.

Take this ad:


First off, this isn’t even trying to disguise itself as a news story. The ad writers have gotten so lazy, that they’ve somehow looped around into actually being ethical.

But most glaringly is the non-sequitur title. It opens with an entire clause consisting of one word, “Kaepernick.” Now, if Kaepernick were my name, it would be relevant. But it would also be indicative of a creepy security leak, as I’m sure I have Yahoo set to never use cookies or anything because they have demonstrated their loose morals quite plainly.

I have to assume that “Kaepernick” is advertising sports merchandise featuring Colin Kaepernick. Clicking the ad proves this correct. So why aren’t they just saying “Save 50% on sports stuff by Kaepernick?” Bizarre.

Scrolling down, I come upon this absurd word concoction:


Crypto-millionaire? I think I know what that is, someone who has made a lot from bitcoin.

“Overwhelmed by cryptocurrencies?”

Not really. I get that they are skyrocketing in value but it is extremely difficult to convert them back into fiat money, without using an intermediate product like drugs or Chinese bank accounts.

“Go here to learn a how to play them.”

Okay, you lost me. First of all, I would expect a crypto-millionaire advertising his mental acumen would be able to string two coherent sentences together. Second of all, what is “play?” How does one “play” bitcoins? Does that mean buying and selling? Does it mean just buying? The difference is critical, as cashing out one’s bitcoins is easily the rub of the whole process. I don’t know.

Wal Mart

This one just weirds me out. It’s supposed to imply that Wal-Mart cameras caught a bunch of gorgeous, scantily clad women. But, as anyone who has ever been to Wal-Mart knows, the only scantily clad women there are one’s busting out of their XXL sweatpants. Gross.

Best of luck navigating the modern wasteland that is extremely biased, ad-ridden Web 3.0 nonsense! On second thought, I’m going to keep that luck, as I need all I can get (and I have yet to see an ad selling good luck, what’s with that?)


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *