We all laughed heartily at the bourgeois youth stranded on an island for Ja Rule’s Fyre Festival, earlier this year. Recently, customers paid $75 for VIP tickets to a Brooklyn pizza festival, set in a car park, which ran out of food after the first 50 people/half hour. That last one can’t even blame sloppy management to get out of a scam lawsuit: It is not hard to get more pizza when you are in Brooklyn.
I really want to cash in on this, so I’m going to design a “festival” to make me rich and leave stupid rich people holding the bag.
Step 1: Find things that young people with too much money want
Okay, the first thing they want is obviously exclusivity. There were $40 tickets available, but some people just had to pay $75 to be on a VIP list for a parking lot pizza festival. So I’m only going to sell five tickets. It’s going to cost $5,000
The other thing is cool cred. A party with Ja Rule on an island. A pizza conference in New York City. I’ve got to find something with cred with annoying young hipsters. How about beards? That’s a good idea.
The Beard Convention
Now I need a celebrity. Who has a crazy stupid beard, but is also super cheap and might even show up even though I have no intention on following through with payment?
Of course! ZZ Top. I know they’re dated, but Fyre Festival had Blink 182 headlining, so it apparently works.
Alright, come see ZZ Top at my Beard Convention. Also, sample all the latest beard products (which might run out 5 minutes before the convention opens). You’ll have to move quickly, however, there are only 5 tickets left! Make your plane reservations, too, and prepare to Uber. The Festival will be held in my driveway.